So far this has been one helluva trip over here on The Dark Continent, and I must admit that until now the dust and sweat have killed my sexy. However… I’m now planted in one place for the next 10 days or so, and I can already feel that changing. Who’s up for a little phone fun when I’m not out being a tourist? You’ll see me here during some WEIRD hours – I’m 8 time zones *ahead* of EST. See my phone sex schedule page for my best guess at when you’ll find me available.

Top 10 things I’ve learned about Africa

1. There’s nothing like hearing-smelling-watching the rains sweep across the Serengeti. That 80s song by Toto doesn’t do it justice.
2. Houses, roads, etc. here make me feel like I’m 7500 years away, not 7500 miles.
3. Men are more interested in my a$$ets than my ass.
4. Electricity is less dependable than internet access (wtf?).
5. Kilimanjaro brings athletic men to their knees after 3 days and $500 worth of climbing. I accomplish this in 3 minutes. Hm, methinks I’m not charging enough…
6. Yes, I’ve clamped my thighs around a black man’s hips this trip many times and paid him 65 cents for the privilege. It’s called a motorcycle taxi. I’d never been on a motorcycle before, unlike my mistress friend Ashleigh.
7. Apparently my homeland has been renamed “Obama’s Country” by the East Africans.
8. The Masaai drape, worn similarly to a toga, is like the Scottish kilt – no one really knows what’s underneath.
9. The world’s finest arabica beans are grown on the slopes around Kilimanjaro – but they export nearly every damn bean and drink instant. INSTANT. The horror!
10. Nothing says “Africa” like watching 20 chickens under a bus seat nest on your $160 backpack and leave it encrusted with…yeah, you can finish that sentence without my help.

Welcome your adventurous phone mistress back!

If you’d like to treat me to a little something nice or something ‘boringly’ practical upon her return, I recommend a decent cup of coffee or the top few things that mention Africa on my Amazon wishlist (guess who needs to replace every single pair of her cute cotton panties!).